Dear Gork,
I'm thirty-seven, a female, and unmarried. I do have a (serious) boyfriend, and up until recently we had been discussing procreation at length until recently. A few weeks ago we were eating at this lovely little bistro in our neighborhood. He leaned over to me lovingly and said 'Hey, you have a hair on your collar", and he attempted to pull it off my collar. But there seemed to be something holding the hair back from being removed...it was my chin! It was a three-inch long chin hair, and he hasn't looked at me the same since. But he hasn't broken up with me. What should I do?
Mary, Canton, IL
Mary,
Surely, you can't blame your boyfriend for being just a little put off by your untidy facial follicles. Not only is the increasing hairlessness of the female sex accepted, it's come to be expected in most mainstream cultures. As facial hair goes, it's been a female faux pas for about the last 3000 years. We all know that the interruption of hormonal harmony can cause a myriad of unwanted effects, but that's not an excuse for hygienic foppery. If you want your relationship to work out, show your boyfriend that you subscribe to social norms. You can start by shaving your face pelt.
-Gork