Gork,
My son Ben is a senior in high school. He’s ambitious but a bit of a dullard. He got rejected by the colleges he applied to because his grades are poor and he botched his entrance exams badly—nobody was surprised but we all feel really bad for him. In hopes of cheering him up, I’m starting a small college in his name (Bunderson College, draft brochure attached) for him to attend, which I’m wealthy enough to do thanks to a lifetime of hard work and/or some breaks that went my way (lottery jackpot).
Anyways, I know it wasn’t what he envisioned for his college experience but he seems excited nonetheless. My goal was to surprise him by sending him a genuine acceptance letter in the mail, but after doing some serious market research and bringing on some other investors, I’ve decided to raise the acceptance standards a bit to keep the riff-raff out. You see where I’m going with this…how do I break it to my son that he didn’t get into the school I started for him?
-Grady Bunderson III
East Gooseton, TX
GB III,
I have to say, you are one cold-hearted cat, but I get it. As a fellow founder of an institution of higher learning (GVD School of Schools), I know how hard application season can be. I never rejected my own son, mind you, but standards are standards for a reason. Eventually, Ben will come to understand that he just isn’t Bunderson material. I recommend you still go through with the ritual of sending the letter in the mail—the realism will help it to sink in. If he’s as dimwitted as you say, he’ll need all the help he can get. Try softening the blow by offering him an entry level job at the school, maybe something easy in the admissions office? Good luck, Bunderson.
-gvd
p.s. your brochure is perfect as-is. Send that baby to the print shop.