Gork,
I’m a 19 year old male with my whole life ahead of me. I need to know, what is the point of this simulation we’re in? Not knowing is really eating away at me to the point that I can barely breathe unless I get really hammered and forget about it. Please let me know ASAP.
-Parverd Dumpsmeir, Forkmouth, NJ
Mr Dumpsmeir,
Sorry, I forgot to check my email for a couple years. Hopefully, this is still relevant. Either way, buckle up because this going to be a long one. Right off the bat, two things strike me as interesting about your query—1) you’ve skipped over every single religious and spiritual theory of origin put forth by man since the dawn of time, seemingly taking as a foregone conclusion that simulation theory is the ticket, and 2) you seem to know with certainty that I have the answers you need, which is bold, but not surprising since I’ve sort of implied that I know a lot about everything, which I do . The good news and bad news for you is that you’re right on both accounts. We are, in fact, living in a simulation, and for reasons not perfectly clear to me, I happen to know why. I’m sorry to report that knowing the simulation story and the implications around it will lead you to a much darker place than the blissful delusions that we’ve embraced for so long. Your drink-to-forget habit might have to get worse before it gets better.
You might wonder how I came to know the answer, or you might be asking why I’ve withheld this fairly critical morsel of information for as long as I have. I’ll answer both of these perfectly reasonable questions, but first I should tell you that I’m publishing a book in the very near future called Signs of Life and Other Misleading Features of the Simulation. The book will retail for the hefty fee of $2,400.59, which is admittedly a sizable chunk of cash, but on the flip side, it will contain the answers to all of life’s most important questions, so if you won’t scrounge up the funds for this book, I don’t understand your motivations and I should think you and I have very little in common. Buy the book.
So, let’s get on with it. I have no idea how I came to know anything about the simulation—one moment, I didn’t know it, and the next moment, I did, which is completely inexplicable by any acceptable theory of cognition save for some cockamamie ideas involving mental illness, which can be discounted if you have any faith in me to begin with. Furthermore, this is a hard thing to know and an even harder thing to articulate to other people, which is why I haven’t really told anybody. Not to mention the fact that nobody asked me until you did, so here we are. My theory is that the Simulator, who goes by a name that sounds like “Honk Eeow” (like a sound a weird goose/donkey hybrid beast might make) but I can’t actually spell it because they use a language that’s very foreign to us, and I don’t mean like French or Chinese, I mean alien—and I don’t mean alien, like some little green guy from outer space either, I mean alien, as in a sentience that we can’t even fathom, unless of course, we blink our eyes and their presence and purpose is just suddenly available to our minds, which is exactly what happened to me on June 28th 2019.
Anyways, I kind of got lost in that paragraph. Let me start again. My theory is that Honk Eeow paused the simulation briefly so that he could inject this “simulation epiphany” into my (and a select few other super-geniuses’) mind(s) so that I (we) can propagate that awareness throughout human civilization. I don’t know for sure why I was chosen, but I surmise that only very bright individuals with far-reaching platforms like this website were selected. I do know that Honk was commissioned by his government to execute this simulation project with two objectives: 1) determine the feasibility and probability that they, themselves, are living in a simulation, and 2) formulate a solution to their impending doomsday apocalypse, which they are aware of but currently have no fitting solution. In other words, our Simulators might be living in a simulation themselves and they want to prove it, and regardless of that, their world is about to be destroyed and they don’t know how to escape it. I also know that Honk Eeow kicked off thousands of simultaneous simulations with randomized environmental variables that effect the living conditions of the originating spheroid in various ways. In that way, each simulation will exhibit different outcomes and facilitate examination of the effects of those variables on the outcomes. Those facts were planted in my mind. Beyond that and the supplementary facts I will describe below and expound upon in the book, I have to hypothesize to put this nightmare puzzle together.
To complete this picture for you, I want to explain some characteristics of the simulation environment of which I was made aware. Firstly, and definitely not least, there are five “sim-end-flags” or conditions that cause the simulation to end. I will describe them in no particular order because I don’t believe they are prioritized in any way by Honk. First, the simulation will end if intelligent life does not emerge within 100 million simulation years from the start of the simulation. This is to spare computing resources by discarding simulations that have little-to-no chance of generating intelligent life because the conditions effected by the environmental variables are simply not hospitable for life to happen. Not surprisingly, this condition was actually met in over 75% of Honk’s simulations, which portends that the probability of life being sparked on an earth-like spheroid, let alone evolution of that life into an intelligent species, is less than likely. By this fact, we know that less than 25% of initial simulations are still active.
The second sim-end-flag is met by demolition of the originating spheroid, either by a random cosmic/environmental event, or by some act of stupidity by the spheroid inhabitants. Honk hasn’t encountered this condition yet in any simulations but there is certainly still time.
Speaking of time, barring satisfaction of the other sim-end-flags, the simulation is programmed to end after roughly 72 of Honk’s hours, which in our perception of time, equates to about 15 billion simulation years. So no, this is not an endless simulation. Honk hit the “go” button about 21 hrs ago in his time, which means we’re coming up on 33% simulation completion. That leaves a lot of time for us to still screw things up.
The fourth sim-end-flag is the programmed apocalypse condition that mirrors Honk’s world’s scenario. Basically, a giant asteroid will slam into our spheroid and blow everything to bits and the simulation will shortly thereafter come to a neat and tidy end. We actually have the capacity to intervene, which speaks to the Simulator’s second objective of determining a plan for avoiding their own demise. To understand this, you first have to imagine that the computing cluster on which Honk is running the simulations so far exceeds our own computing standards in processing capacity and speed that it’s not even worth expressing by an analogy, but I will anyways. In about 100 of our years when humans have harnessed and optimized the full potential of quantum computing, we will still only be working with about 0.01% of the computing capability that Honk has at his disposal. They need this computing horsepower for the simulation application because Honk’s team has built in an artificial intelligence generator that actually allows for us think and conceptualize in unpredictable ways, and moreover, grow in intelligence beyond the limitations of Honk’s civilization—we could very well end up smarter than our own creators. This is important because if our civilization defies the odds and actually solves the apocalypse problem, Honk’s people will attempt to implement our solution in their world and potentially survive. I find it extraordinarily improbable that our civilization can problem-solve our way out of any doomsday scenario, but that’s just my opinion.
The final sim-end scenario is triggered if 90% of the intelligent beings (humans in our case) accept the reality that they are, in fact, living in a simulation. If this happens, the simulation ends and simulation feasibility for Honk’s world is basically declared reality for them too. This is an unlikely outcome for us, I believe. I mean, I’m here as the prophet of simulation speaking facts that were conveyed to me by the Simulator himself/herself (I don’t know, Honk seems androgynous to me). Do you think that 90% of the world will come to believe me? I highly doubt this will ever be accepted. We would have to give up our various notions of the after-life, plus a great many other ideas that actually serve to keep us relatively in line. Besides, if the majority of people give up on the idea that we actually have no purpose to fulfill, I suspect we’ll trigger an end to this simulation rather quickly by way of sim-end-flag #2.
Aside from the simulation completion triggers, there other important aspects of the simulation environment. For example, all of the physical rules that we’ve come to understand about our world are modeled as exactly as possible after those in Honk’s reality. Our gravity, electro-magnetism, friction, air composition, thermal properties of materials, etc. are nearly identical in Honk’s world. Our spheroid (earth) is somewhat different in size and composition because the simulation has allowed for variance across simulation instances, but most other aspects are very much like what Honk’s people know and love.
Physics is one thing, but life is another matter altogether. We don’t look, act, or communicate like anything in any other simulation, or Honk Eeow’s people for that matter, who he refers to as something sounding like “JeeOOop”. Evolution takes wildly different paths in all variations of the simulation because, again, the environmental characteristics that effect such things, are not the same. It’s also interesting to know that interactions between simulation instances are not allowed. I think it’s okay for us to postulate that the other simulations are akin to alternate universes, but we will never, ever know what they contain. Anyone peddling a multi-verse theory at you that believes we can interact with them, is trafficking in bunkery.
Why then, we ask, did Honk intervene and potentially sully the results of the simulation by injecting this knowledge into my mind? For that, I can only guess, but I have a theory. I wonder if we are not even living in one of the “record run” simulations, but rather an excursion simulation solely designed to investigate the time it might take for simulation awareness to propagate throughout an entire civilization. It’s possible that simulation theory never emerges within any simulations, and therefore, Honk has decided to intervene by planting the seed rather than risk learning nothing at all from the experiment. Again, that’s just speculation, as opposed to the rest of this information, which is fact.
Okay, so that’s a lot to digest. Let me summarize for you. We are living in a simulation that is just one of many simulations designed to determine the feasibility of entirely simulated civilizations, and possibly puke out some ideas about how to beat the end of times. If that’s hard to hear, imagine how Elon Musk and I felt when we were suddenly and abruptly uploaded with these details with no warning. If you’re savvy, you might be wondering how many layers of simulations there are. If Honk is living in a simulation, who are his Simulators? Are they simulated? I don’t know the answers to these troubling questions. All I know is that if you start to hear rumblings of humans attempting some quick simulations to “just see if the idea is even possible”, that’s your cue to cringe. After you’ve had some time to sit with this and maybe have a couple drinks, I encourage you to buy my book. Everything I know about the simulation is revealed within. Plus, I need some cash soon to pay for my cat’s gallbladder surgery.
Does that answer your question, Parverd?
gvd